No More Love Songs
by Nero Shrimp
Summary: Drake/Josh going off to college. Drake is acting weird. Josh can’t figure out the new Drake. Slash.
1. No More Love Songs

A/N: Drake/Josh going off to college. Drake is acting weird. Josh can't figure out the new Drake. Slash.

This is an unauthorized work of fiction. Drake & Josh is owned by Nickelodeon.

* * *

_What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head  
You should know better you never listened to a word I said  
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat  
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did  
__  
__When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe_

"Harder to Breathe" Maroon 5

* * *

From the window streamed blue light. _Sunrise_, Josh told himself. He climbed off his mattress and slipped into shorts and sneakers. _Ready to run_, he smiled while doing a few stretches. Feeling limber and awake, Josh tiptoed past his sleeping roommate. Josh had to maneuver through the loft carefully. The chore of packing for University left the floor and furniture littered with books, inventions, and instruments. Half-filled boxes pile high along the walls and couch. After making it safely and quietly to the hall, Josh pulled the door gently until it clicked shut.

Outside the morning air was refreshing. A few cars passed and a few birds sang, but it felt serene and looked beautiful. Josh quickened into a jog, turning out of the driveway. Focused on his breathing, Josh pounded the asphalt at a steady pace. He had grown to enjoy the strain his body underwent each morning. This daily activity strengthened his lean, flexible, and agile body. In the thin cover of dawn, Josh found usually sought peace.

But Josh had trouble clearing his head this morning. His body reacted robotically, one foot in front of the other, as his mind thought over preceding weeks. Josh remembered the state of his bedroom. _Our bedroom_, he corrected, _though it doesn't feel that way right now._ Josh found trouble trying to connect with Drake lately. They were around each other all of the time, but Drake tended to disconnect from conversations and activities.

Josh spent the last month studying, packing, and daydreaming about State. Drake, on the other hand, hasn't been himself. _Drake…_ Josh pushed himself harder as the hill steepened. _Lazy. Selfish. Jerk. _Drake hadn't lifted a finger to pack. After a long day of ignoring everyone and zoning himself out of reality, Drake stayed out late and slept in. Josh was frustrated at the void that had grown between them. But he didn't know what to do.

As Josh made his final turn, a string of trees blocked the rising sun. He shivered in the shade and tried to push away feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Drake and Josh had both been invited to pool parties and barbeques, but Josh respectfully declined each one. _I can't goof off my last month of High School. What will the University think?_

Josh was saving his energy for a pre-Frosh U-prep week hosted by the SGA and Greek Life at State. _My friends at home will always be here for me no matter what. I need to focus on networking at school._

He tried not to worry about what the week away from Drake would be like. _It could only make things better. _Josh thought, _distance makes the heart fonder._ Or was it, _out of sight out of mind?_

Drake hadn't made any attempt to get to know the faculty or clubs offered at State. Josh recalled how Drake spent his time preparing for University: skipping chores, staring at the teacher blankly during class, ditching school for girls, watching free movies at the Premiere. _Yeah, quality lifestyle._ Josh wished that Drake would take school more seriously now that they were graduating.

Drake had turned inward, yes. But Josh didn't understand or realize that he _was_ preparing for college in his own way. Looking forward to college life meant separate dorms, new roommates, and thousands of people waiting to one-up him. A profound emptiness filled Drake at the thought of leaving High School. He walked around like a zombie and found it hard to smile.

_And I can't remember the last time he and I stayed up to play Rock Hero or Left 2 Die. _Josh finished his run with a bit of light stretching on the lawn. Touching his toes, he sighs, _I don't even know Drake anymore._


	2. Nyquil

A/N: Self-loathing!Drake. Drake wakes up and is overwhelmed with melancholy. Everything reminds him that he and Josh will be going their separate ways for college.

Drake & Josh are not my property. I make no profit writing this story.

* * *

_You could never see it through my eyes,  
And I'm too tired to try._

_So don't call and say you're coming back for me.  
Don't mean nothing,  
I'm always getting over you.  
And don't lie and say you're over me.  
Don't mean nothing,  
I'm always getting over you._

"Always Getting Over You" Angela Ammons

* * *

Upstairs, Drake groaned and grabbed his cellphone. Checking the screen he saw new tweets, texts, and another hour before a breakfast-on-the-run. He turned over and snuggled into the blankets trying to get comfortable. The windows let in a fair amount of light this morning. Drake's eyes glossed over the room but registered nothing. Expressionless, Drake recalls his schedule. _School, Lab,_ _Ashley, Premiere, Elise, Band Practice, Jason's. _To Drake, the list dragged on forever; he was already exhausted. Drake made no effort to wake up, but his mind was already racing. Falling back asleep would be nothing short of a miracle.

Josh entered the room quietly. He could see that Drake was in bed, so he respectfully used only a small desk lamp to pick out his outfit. Drake exhaled an exaggerated breath.

Josh's head turned, "Drake, you up, man?"

Drake did not respond. With the light on, Drake could take in most of their room. The sight was depressing. Their carpet had been rolled up and leaned against an empty bookcase. Their computer table was cluttered with pieces of Josh's Fall wardrobe. _Just close your eyes and sleep, D. _Drake considered spending the day in bed.

Across the room, Josh pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a thin long-sleeve shirt. He towel-dried his freshly washed hair and headed to the beds. Poking his head through the railing, Josh shook Drake's mattress. "Wakey, wakey, little Drakey." When Drake made no sound or movement, Josh climbed the stairs. He was not amused by his brother's catatonia.

Standing over Drake's frozen body, Josh waved a hand in front of his brother's eyes. "Up and at 'em, dude." Josh gave Drake a firm shake of the shoulders. "Come on."

Drake finally responded with a low grunt. He didn't look up at Josh and it seemed unlikely that Drake was snap out of it. Josh sat on the bed next to Drake.

"Nyquil," Drake moaned. _Just a few cap fulls and I could sleep again._

"What?" Josh made a face and felt Drake's forehead for signs of fever. "You're not sick, dude. Come on, I'll fix us some breakfast."

But Drake didn't budge. Josh couldn't decide if his brother was feigning illness or truly needed attention."Really, Drake. It is practically the weekend. Get through today and we have less than a week of class left. Pull it together, at least until 3 o'clock.

Grimacing, Drake lifted a heavy arm toward Josh. Josh grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a seated position. Drake held onto Josh's arm for continued support. Looking down at Drake, Josh waited impatiently for his brother to wake up further. "Okay then, time to move."

Drake whined in protest, holding Josh in place. "Don't let go yet."

Josh signed heavily, "We are going to be late because of you. Come on, a shower would do you good."

Drake's eyes opened to find Josh was smiling with concern. Drake decided he could go to school today after all. _Today might not be so bad. _Climbing out of bed, Drake made his way to the bathroom. Josh was saying something to him but he was focused on other things.

Drake watched himself enter the bathroom in the mirror. _Tired. Nothing out of the ordinary. _His skin had absorbed a light tan, his hair was ruffled only slightly by sleep. _Nothing looks physically wrong. _But Drake felt it. He felt empty and cold. A pit had formed in his stomach and now it wouldn't stop sinking. _Josh is leaving. Sucks. He is forgetting about me. I made sure he was invited to the same parties as me, but he doesn't want to spend time with me. He ruined our room. He covered the couch in books and clothes. Just another excuse so we can't play video games. He is trying to push me away. _

Drake continues staring at himself. _Josh thinks that now that he is handsome, he doesn't need me. We're going to go off to college and he will forget me. Just because we are living apart doesn't mean we aren't brothers anymore._ Drake referred to the room assignments sent to them at the beginning of the month. All June, he had been a ghost: here but not really.

_This has to stop. _Drake bit his lip and took another look into the mirror. Motivated by hurt and anger, Drake felt energized. He started the water for a shower.


	3. No One Likes a Sad Face

A/N: Drake is trying to pull it together, make it through the weekend. Josh doesn't see that Drake is struggling. Drake tries to engage Josh in the brotherhood they once shared.

I updated my profile. Yey!

I know backstory can be hella boring, but I really wanted some set up to the relationship. The chapters will be short and hopefully this story will follow my original idea.

* * *

_But if I wanted silence, I would whisper.  
If I wanted loneliness, I'd choose to go._

_If I liked rejection, I'd audition.  
And if I didn't love you, you would know._

_So, why can't you just hold me?__  
How come it is so hard?  
__Do you like to see me broken?  
Why do I care?_

_Poor little misunderstood baby,__  
No one likes a sad face.__  
But I can't remember life without him.__  
I think I did have good days.  
I'm sure I did have good days._

"Just Hold Me" Maria Mena

* * *

Worrying about Drake infiltrated everything Josh did. Having no idea what was bothering his brother drove him nuts. But he found it hard to forgive Drake for walking around like the undead. Josh was genuinely concerned for his brother. He wasn't really annoyed or angry; more confused by the general malaise that has overcome Drake's daily routine. Half of Josh felt used. Drake could be zoning out to escape chores. _Or Drake could actually be depressed._ Josh didn't know how to react to either possibility.

The past month confused Josh. _I thought we would be hanging out more now that college was fast approaching. This is big! Our classes are on different campuses; our dorms are across campus from each other. _Josh shoved four pieces of bread into the toaster dramatically. _Damn it, Drake. What the hell?_

"Hey Josh," Drake appeared in the living room and waved through the open partition.

Startled by the voice, Josh looked up. His hands twitched as he waited for the toast to pop. "I see you're up."

Drake shrugged, his hands in his jeans, "Uh, yeah. I guess so." Creeping up on his toes, Drake leaned into the kitchen. "So, what are you doing? Need help?"

_Yeah right._ "It's done." Josh grabbed at the browned bread, scalding his fingers on the hot metal. Ignoring the pain, he tossed Drake two slices. "Eat up. We're late."

"Mmm," Drake shoveled the toast into his mouth. "S'good."

Josh hardly found dry bread satisfying. But he was more puzzled by Drake's change of attitude. _You live on your own planet all month, and now you're smiling; you're talking. What happened?_ But he said, "You're welcome," out loud.

Drake ate quickly, "Dude, I was wondering... will you be around later?" He looked at Josh, hopeful.

Josh eyed Drake suspiciously, _Probably needs a ride to some party. _"I'm working until eight."

"Oh," Drake's face fell a bit.

"Isn't there a party or something tonight? It _is_ Friday. I'm sure a friend can give you a ride." Josh ate unenthusiastically. He wished they had time for a real meal.

"Were you planning on going? To the party, I mean." Drake waited for an answer while Josh buttered his second slice of toast.

"I have way too much to do."

Drake bit his lip, thinking.

"You ready to go?" Josh didn't want to be late for final exams.

"Yeah. Let's go." Drake wiped the crumbs from the counter onto the floor before heading to the car.

The ride felt shorter than usual. Drake was talking much more than in the past few weeks. And, besides the few awkward pauses, Josh enjoyed the conversation. Drake told Josh about the party he was planning for the 4th of July. "High School are the best years of our life. I want to go out with a bang. What better than friends and fireworks?"

Josh could think of one hundred reasons why Drake and his friends should not be around fireworks.

"College parties are going to be nuts, dude. _That_ is going to be the time of our life." Josh watched Drake grimace and turn away to look out the window. "You're not looking forward to college, are you Drake?"

Drake mumbled, "I don't know." He hadn't meant to reveal so much. "I was just making conversation."

Josh pulled into his spot and turned to ask Drake to continue. But Drake was out of the car in a flash.

"Later, dude."

_What the hell?_ Josh turned off the ignition and grabbed his book bag. Briskly walking toward homeroom, Josh wondered what was really going on with his brother.

Josh breezed through his exams and soon enough it was time for a lunch break. During the free period, Josh found the main library packed with overachievers and last-minute crammers. He chose a table on the balcony for some quiet and privacy.

In the cafeteria, Drake searched for his brother. Grabbing an orange soda from Eric's tray, Drake asked Craig if they had seen Josh. Eric suggested Drake look for him in the library. "You _do_ know what a library is, don't you?"

Drake's face went hot. He did, in fact, know how a library worked. But he had no idea where the school library was. Not to be ridiculed further by the nerd table, Drake walked out of the lunchroom as if heading to find Josh. He stopped at the restroom to cool his face at the sink.

Staring in the mirror again, Drake could feel his energy slipping. _Come on, dude. Do this. After lab... _Drake's face fell. _After lab, what? Then Josh and I will be best friends again? After lab Josh will want to hang out with me like before? After lab he and I will plot against Meagan together? After lab Josh will forget about college? _Drake scowled, _No, I didn't think so._ He dragged his feet to Chem lab to take another exam.

_90 minutes. 125 questions. _Drake was anxious, but not because he didn't know the material. Drake was actually doing much better in his courses this semester. He had taken up studying at night while waiting for Josh to come home from The Premiere. He paid attention more in class because daydreaming only made him more depressed. No, Drake wasn't raking in A's, but the occasional B- had crept it's way onto a few assignments. Drake was impressed by himself, but _Josh hadn't noticed. _

Josh came home from work each night, same as always, and got straight to packing, or studying, or talking to his academic advisor. He didn't realize Drake was going to class more, doing the homework, and lingering in their room waiting for Josh to have a spare moment so they could hang out.

The constant rejection numbed Drake.

Turning back to the exam book, Drake tried not to think about it. _90 minutes. 125 questions._

Josh finished his Chem lab and checked it for mistakes. He knew Drake would be struggling in Mr Newman's class down the hall, so he didn't rush. After handing in the work, Josh walked out to the car to wait. Drake showed up just as the bell rang.

"How were your exams?" Drake asked. His expression was friendly, but guarded.

"Pretty good, actually." Josh didn't want to assume the worst of his brother, but still wondered, "Did you get through your finals alright?"

Drake sighed, annoyed. He had no problem finishing on time. He knew Josh would spend time checking the work on his own exam, so Drake did the same. He figured they would get out at similar times. Drake nodded curtly to answer his brother. It took him a few minutes to move past feeling offended and defensive.

Josh started the car, "Premiere or home?"

"Home, I think."

Josh looked over with a wide grin, "What? No dates today?"

Drake chewed his lip. "Well, yeah, but," he let out a deep breath, "if it's all the same to you, I'd rather get home."

Josh dropped Drake off at home with more than enough time to make it to work. "Later, man," Josh waved.

Drake smiled as if it were a promise, "Okay, cool. Later."


	4. Cinnabun

A/N: I am so sorry this update took so long. I meant to update twice a week. Please, enjoy the next few installments.

Drake has a talk with Megan.

Drake & Josh are owned by Nickelodeon

This is a work of fiction written without profit to the author. J

* * *

_You're the only one who  
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams  
You're the only one who  
Knows exactly what I mean_

_I hope you can forgive me for that time  
When I put my hand between your legs  
And said it was small  
Cuz its really not at all  
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down  
Just to keep you around  
Cuz the day that you realize how amazing you are  
You're gonna leave me_

"You're the only one" Maria Mena

* * *

Drake entered the house exhausted and hungry. He immediately turned his phone off. _If the girls want to whine about getting ditched, I don't want to hear it._

"Whaa?" Drake jumped back seeing Megan contorting herself on the living room floor.

"What's wrong with you? " The young girl stretched in a graceful pose.

"I uh," Drake swiveled his head around to find his sister's face, "I didn't know you liked yoga."

"I love yoga. It calms my soul and helps me think." Megan took a deep breath and crinkled her nose. "Ug, you're boobin up the air in here."

Drake was lost wondering how Megan could bend her body like that.

"Scram!" She yelped.

Drake retreated to the kitchen, "alright, alright." _Crazy._ His stomach growled violently. Lazily rummaging through the refrigerator, Drake stumbled upon a tube of oven-bake cinnamon rolls.

"Jackpot." Drake tossed the container on the counter and opened the oven. He removed a cookie sheet to the kitchen island. _How did Josh make these, again?_ Years ago Josh had baked them similar treats. Drake remembered the night fondly. Melting icing, hot sugar cookies, and tall glasses of Dr. Fizz. It hadn't been difficult back then. But Josh had done all the work that time, and now Drake wasn't even sure how to open the package.

Drake turned the tube over and over in his hands looking for instructions. A small arrow near one of the ends hinted that the tube should be peeled apart. Gripping the paper with his thumb and forefinger, Drake unwrapped the cardboard. He managed to successfully pull the label from the package, but failed to break the vacuum seal. _What the hell?_ Drake slammed the tube onto the counter, frustrated.

_Pffft._

The tube popped and dough started to ooze from the can. "Gross." Drake poked at the beige semi-solid. _This is better than a bowl of freshly cracked eggs._ The mushy dough entertained him for a bit.

After its novelty wore off, Drake took the can by both ends and twisted as hard as he could. The dough squished through the cardboard strips and flopped onto the baking sheet. _That does not look like a cinnabun. _Drake stood the dough on its flat end as best he could. Then, placing his palm on the towering mush, he pressed it down. Looking it over, Drake shrugged, "meh." Drake returned the baking sheet to the oven rack.

Too hungry to wait for the sweet smells of hot cinnamon rolls, Drake opened the pantry for a quick snack. A box of fruity nut bars caught his eye. _Awesome._ Pulling out the box, he gave the box a hard shake. It rattled. _Score._ Drake dumped two bars into his hand. Opening the first bar, Drake glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly 4:00. _Bored._

He bounced into the family room to watch some TV. "Up, little girl." Drake attempted a couch take-over.

Megan sighed, amused.

"Look, Megan, I'm your older brother and what I want, I get. I want the couch so give it." Drake harrumphed.

Megan smiled sweetly. "You can watch with me."

Drake sat at the very edge of the couch only to spring back up immediately. "Wait!" Spinning in circles and franticly chasing his tail, Drake accused his sister of her usual treachery. "What's on me? What did you do to the sofa?" Drake stopped and glared at his sister, "Demon child."

Megan crossed her arms and continued smiling. "I didn't do anything, Crazy."

Untrusting, Drake slowly lowered his body to the cushions. "Why not?"

She was smug, "There's a Chloe 101 and Susannah Louisiana marathon."

"Ew." But Drake fished out the last granola bar from his pocket and turned his attention to the TV.

"Why are you even here?" Megan questioned, her eyes glued on Chloe and her roommates.

"What do you mean?"

Megan sniffed. "Shouldn't you be at the Premiere, giving me a few hours of peace?"

Drake shrugged, "I guess." He went silent for a moment, eating his granola. Then, "Remember when Josh wouldn't talk to me Junior year?"

"Mhmm." Megan's eyes did not leave the screen. "When he found out that life without you was beneficial to him."

Drake glared at her again. "Yes. That would be the time."

Megan sighed heavily. "What about it?"

"College is going to be a lot like that, right?" Drake looked scared, sucking on his bottom lip. "Josh is going to find independence again."

Frowning, Megan nodded. "Probably. But he won't ignore you like last year. He was upset."

"I don't know." Drake sat forward. "I've been thinking about this a lot. I think he is going to find a group of nerds to hang out with and he will realize I just bring him down. He's my only real friend. I don't want to lose him."

Megan didn't know how to comfort her brother. "It'll all work out, Drake."

Their dialogue settled into an uncomfortable silence broken only by Megan's light laughter at the television show in front of them. Drake fell asleep easily next to his sister believing she would not bother him.

Josh returned before Drake woke up.


	5. Hot N Cold

A/N:

.

Drake & Josh are owned by Nickelodeon

This is a work of fiction written without profit to the author. :)

* * *

_We used to be  
Just like twins  
So in sync  
The same energy  
Now's a dead battery  
Used to laugh bout nothing  
Now your plain boring _

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in then you're out  
You're up then you're down_

_You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up_

_You don't really want to stay, no  
But you don't really want to go-o_  
"Hot N Cold" Katy Perry

* * *

"Drake! Don't move!"

The voice came in a dream, but Drake obeyed. Carefully opening one eye and then the other, Drake took in his cold, porcelain surroundings. "Oh my god." He couldn't move his arms or legs.

"Megan!" Josh ran toward his brother wondering how to approach the mess. Drake had been hogtied and lain in the bathtub. "How did she get you up here?"

"That girl is demonic." Drake banged his head against the tub.

"Are you alright?" Josh used toe nail clippers to cut through the plastic ripcord. Megan had used more than ten to secure Drake into the fetal position.

With his hands finally free, Drake felt his head for bumps, cuts, and bruises. "I think so." He thought a moment and corrected, "Hungry, actually."

Josh wasn't surprised but still asked, "How could you be hungry at a time like this?"

Drake shrugged. _Being attacked by Megan is nothing new._ The last cord snapped off Drake's ankles.

"Well, I brought some stale pretzel nuggets from concession. We should heat 'em up first, though."

"My cinnabun!" Drake jumped out of the tub and rushed downstairs. In the kitchen, he found the oven cold and the dough still raw. His face fell. "My pastry."

"Um," Josh poked the squishy lump. "What is that?"

Drake tossed it in the trash bin without responding. Sulking, Drake took a seat at the table.

"Drake, if you want cinnamon buns, I can make some."

With his head laying on his arms, Drake shrugged.

Josh opened the freezer. "Hey! We've got puddin' pops! Heh?" A big smile spread over his face.

"Don't care."

Josh left the pops alone and walked to Drake. Taking the seat beside4 him, Josh leaned back. "Ok, Drake. I'm listening."

"Huh?"

"What's wrong?" Josh frowned, "You're up; you're down… Are you menstrual?"

Drake lifted his head slightly, "That depends."

"On what?" Josh was thoroughly disturbed.

"On what menstrual means."

Josh sighed. "Drake, seriously, man. You're not the same. We used to have fun. Now, all you do is sulk."

"I know." Drake laid his head back down.

"You even ditched the girls today."

"I know." Drake was becoming agitated. _You can name all my flaws, but can't figure out you are the problem._

"I don't even know you anymore."

Drake stood abruptly. "That's not my fault! I mean, I mean all you say is college this and university that. It's like you can't wait to get out of here." He placed his hands on his hips defiantly.

"I do want to get out of here! College life is going to be awesome. We'll meet new people; learn _tons_ of stuff." Josh gestured with enthusiasm.

"See what I'm saying? That's all you care about. You just can't wait to go off on your own." Drake backed away from his brother.

"I thought that's what we both wanted." Josh was startled by Drake's outbursts.

"Why would I want you to go off to school to make new friends and remember how great life is without me in it?"

Josh was caught off guard by Drake's insecurity and vulnerability. "This isn't about you. I can't believe you don't want me to _make friends_!"

"I don't know what I want." Drake didn't mean for Josh to get mad.

"Oh, you don't know now. Well, _that's_ nothing new, is it? Your selfish sulking is pulling us apart."

Drake folded his arms around his ribcage. "Look, I don't want to fight. I don't want us to split up at college. I don't want you to forget about me."

Josh paced in the kitchen. "Are you crazy? Drake, college isn't going to change us. We're brothers."

Drake nodded slowly and bit his lower lip. Josh had always been drawn to Drake during his moments of pathetic cluelessness.

"Are we cool now?" His eyes lingered on Drake's mouth.

Drake continued to nod.

"Back to the old Drake, then?" Josh shifted his glance to Drake's eyes.

His brother shrugged. "Are you still going to orientation right after graduation?"

Josh laughed as Drake looked at him with big puppy-dog eyes. "Of course." He cleared his throat and turned away from his brother. "Those eyes may work on Mom, Drake, but remember who you are dealing with." In truth, Josh couldn't stand seeing Drake plead like that. It stirred up his protective nature and made it hard to refuse giving in.


	6. Finger Lickin'

A/N:

.

Drake & Josh are owned by Nickelodeon

This is a work of fiction written without profit to the author. :)

* * *

_I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more  
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right  
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around  
To answer all the questions left behind  
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today  
You've still got me to hold you up up  
And I will never let you down (down)_

_I feel so untouched  
And I want you so much  
That I just can't resist you  
It's not enough to say that I miss you  
I feel so untouched right now  
Need you so much somehow  
I can't forget you  
Been going crazy from the moment I met you_

"Untouched" The Veronicas

* * *

The last weeks before orientation had all the trappings of a normal Drake & Josh brotherly friendship, but their spark was off kilter. And they both felt it.

Drake and Josh returned to doing everything together. Drake stopped dating to spend more time with Josh before he left. And eventually, Drake took his brother up on the offer to bake cinnamon buns.

Josh said the best rolls were made from scratch, so Drake had helped him sift flour and beat eggs, sprinkle cinnamon and melt butter. By the time the swirly buns were formed and set to bake, the kitchen was a certified disaster area.

Drake caught a glimpse of Josh, covered in flour and sucking sugar from his thumb. A smile tickled the corners of Drake's mouth. Across the room, Josh looked adorably proud of his baked goods.

Drake didn't keep track of how long his eyes followed Josh's suckling lips, but it was long enough that Josh noticed.

Josh looked up to see Drake licking and nibbling his lower lip. "Best part of baking," Josh said nervously, "snacking on leftovers." His sugary lips curled in a smile. He passed the small bowl of cinnamon-sugar to Drake.

Tentatively, Drake dipped a finger into the powdery mix. He saw that Josh watched as he brought his finger to his lips. Drake tasted the sweet granules, "Mmm. Mhmm. Best part."

Josh felt his stomach do a somersault as Drake's finger lingered on his lips. Josh had seen Drake lick brownie bowls and plates clean for five years. But it had never felt as provocative, candid or intimate as now. "Drake." His voice broke as the name escaped his throat.

Josh reached over the kitchen island to touch Drake's sticky cheek.

"J-josh?" Drake stood still and waited for his brother to wipe away whatever blemish he had found. But Josh's hand didn't leave. Instead, Josh held Drake in place as he leaned in to capture Drake's mouth in a kiss. "Josh, don't." Drake spoke softly with his lips still pressed against his brothers'. "Please."

But Josh held the lip lock. Both pairs of eyes closed.

Drake finally pulled away and looked at his brother. The kiss hadn't been friendly and innocent like kisses they'd shared before. This kiss left them both flushed and nervous.

"Josh, what-" Drake started but was cut off.

Josh's expression was hard. "I'll call you when the cinnabuns are ready."

"Wait, but-" Drake stammered, trying to make sense of the situation, but he could still taste Josh's lips on his own.

"It should be about ten minutes." Josh pointedly continued speaking about the pastries.

_I guess that's my cue. Exeunt Drake._ Drake left the kitchen confused and hurt.

Josh spent his remaining time in San Diego refusing to acknowledge what happened that night.


	7. Confidence

A/N:

.

Drake & Josh are owned by Nickelodeon

This is a work of fiction written without profit to the author. :)

* * *

_That party last night was awfully crazy; I wish we taped it.  
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked._

_Drink my beer and smoke my weed  
But my good friends is all I need_

_Pass out at 3, wake up at 10  
__Go out to eat, then do it again  
Man, I love college_

"I Love College" Asher Roth

* * *

Josh packed his car for orientation. He turned to Walter with starry eyes. "One week of independence," Walter encouraged.

"Let the good times roll!" Walter pat his son firmly on the back. "Keep out of trouble."

"Sure." Josh smiled. "Hey Mom, have you seen Drake? I wanted to say 'bye."

His step-mother simply shrugged. "I think he's at Trevor's." She didn't seem concerned. "You know Drake; never could sit still."

"Right." Josh climbed into the car and headed out.

His mom stole a quick kiss through the window before the engine turned over. "Have fun, Josh!"

Above the garage, Drake watched his brother leave through their bedroom window.

…

…

At State, Josh made friends without issue. He was quick to stay out late for parties and movie nights. But undeniably something – _No, someone_ – was missing. After a week without his other half, Josh began to understand how Drake felt. Anticipating a semester without Drake was depressing.

…

…

Josh didn't call to say he was coming home a day early, so when a knock came from behind the attic door, Drake assumed it was his mom or Walter.

"Coming," Drake trudged through mountains of books and clothes, in no rush to entertain his parents. He opened the door slowly.

"Hey." _I am so sorry._ Josh stood in the door frame.

"Hi." _Josh._ Drake couldn't believe his brother was standing across from him. _What are you doing here?_

"It wasn't the same without you." _I missed you._ "How are you?" _Did you miss me?_

Drake let his brother into the bedroom, "Been better." _I missed you, too._ "You?"

"Wasn't so bad." _I thought about you every day. _"I made a few friends." _You should have been there with me. _"They were pretty cool." _They couldn't compare to you._

"That's great." _You should have called._ Drake stood only a few feet from Josh.

Josh watched Drake shoot daggers at him from his eyes, but it didn't stop him from crossing the short distance between them. He brought his lips close to Drakes'. "Is this ok?" His voice was breathy and deep.

Drake answered by fisting his fingers into Josh's dark hair and pulling his brother in for a kiss. Without leaving Drake's lips, Josh kicked the door shut behind him. Drake stumbled backwards, taking Josh with him to the nearest bed. Josh immediately recognized his mattress. Crawling on top of Drake, Josh deepened the kiss. He could taste toothpaste and Dr Fizz on his brother's tongue.

Drake drank in the taste of marijuana and beer. He broke the kiss briefly, "Are you drunk?"

Josh smiled and his eyes sparkled. "Just needed a little confidence."

"Confidence is good," Drake sat up a bit to capture Josh in another kiss.

Pressing the lengths of their bodies together, the boys let their legs intertwine.

"I missed you."

"You too."


End file.
